Santa with Muscles

Santa with Muscles Genre: Comedy Directed By: John Murlowski Produced By: Brian Shuster Harry Shuster Jordan Belfort Written By: Jonathan Bond Fred Mata Dorrie Krum Raymond Starring: Hulk Hogan Don Stark Robin Curtis Garrett Morris Aria Noelle Curzon Adam Wylie Mila Kunis Jennifer Paz Clint Howard William Newman Pierre Dulat Steve Valentine Ed Begley Jr. Kai Ephron Diane Robin Kevin West Ed Donno Andre Jamal Kinney Bentley Shuster Troy Robinson Pete Apisa Brenda Song Malone Brinton Bridget Michelle Ed Leslie Blake Shuster Neill Calabro Emmy Cicierega Melody Clark-Curzon Brian J. Williams Photography: Color Cinematography: Michael Gfelner Distributed By: Cabin Fever Entertainment (USA) Cineplex Odeon Films (Canada) Release Date: November 8, 1996 Runtime: 97 Minutes Country: United States Language: English Box Office: $220,198

Santa with Muscles is a 1996 American Christmas comedy film starring Hulk Hogan, produced by the Shuster Brothers, co-produced executively by "The Wolf of Wall Street" Jordan Belfort, and directed by John Murlowski.

Summary

Conceited self-made millionaire Blake Thorn thinks he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac, and he attempts to protect the Lakeville Orphanage from another evil millionaire named Ebner Frost.

Why It Sucks

1. Poor acting, with Hulk Hogan's acting being extremely woeful.
2. The plot makes little sense, and continues to make less and less sense.
3. Amnesia as a plot device is a pretty rubbish way to move the plot forward.
4. Blake's motivation for being cruel and selfish is never revealed.
5. When Blake and his staff are going to play paintball, they're not wearing any protective masks, which is important.
6. The kid characters are very annoying.
7. Doesn't really feel like a Christmas film.
8. The film's depiction of ATM machines is very inaccurate, where you need to scan your thumbprint to access your bank account.
9. Frost being a germaphobe doesn't come off as menacing.
10. So many plot holes, such as Blake not being able to remember that he was raised in the orphanage yet is able to remember the code to the vault in the catacombs under the orphanage, and the quartz crystals exploding at the slightest drop, which doesn't stop Blake and Frost having a crystal quartz swordfight at the end.
11. Very predictable and heavily foreshadowed plot twist that reveals Blake and Frost both grew up in the orphanage as best friends.

Trivia

• The original author's draft was changed so much that he sued to have his name removed.
• Don Stark and Mila Kunis would both go on to star in That '70s Show.
• Frost's sumo lab assistant is played by one of Hogan's friends and fellow WWE Hall of Famer Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake.

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Masson Thief

17 months ago

Score 2

The RQs are more convincing than most of the WIS, which instead are pretty weak. If this isn't fixed we will have to delete the page.

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Deepthroat Ghoul

16 months ago

Score 1

You know, No Holds Barred, Suburban Commando, and Mr. Nanny are all masterpieces compared to this.

In fact, Jingle All The Way (which came out the same year) was a far better Christmas film than this.

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