Santa with Muscles

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Santa with Muscles
Santa with Muscles.jpg
Genre: Comedy
Directed By: John Murlowski
Produced By: Brian Shuster
Harry Shuster
Jordan Belfort
Written By: Jonathan Bond
Fred Mata
Dorrie Krum Raymond
Starring: Hulk Hogan
Don Stark
Robin Curtis
Garrett Morris
Aria Noelle Curzon
Adam Wylie
Mila Kunis
Jennifer Paz
Clint Howard
William Newman
Pierre Dulat
Steve Valentine
Ed Begley Jr.
Kai Ephron
Diane Robin
Kevin West
Ed Donno
Andre Jamal Kinney
Bentley Shuster
Troy Robinson
Pete Apisa
Brenda Song
Malone Brinton
Bridget Michelle
Ed Leslie
Blake Shuster
Neill Calabro
Emmy Cicierega
Melody Clark-Curzon
Brian J. Williams
Photography: Color
Cinematography: Michael Gfelner
Distributed By: Cabin Fever Entertainment (USA)
Cineplex Odeon Films (Canada)
Release Date: November 8, 1996
Runtime: 97 Minutes
Country: United States
Language: English
Box Office: $220,198


Santa with Muscles is a 1996 American Christmas comedy film starring Hulk Hogan, produced by the Shuster Brothers, co-produced executively by "The Wolf of Wall Street" Jordan Belfort, and directed by John Murlowski.

Summary

Conceited self-made millionaire Blake Thorn thinks he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac, and he attempts to protect the Lakeville Orphanage from another evil millionaire named Ebner Frost.

Why It Sucks

  1. Poor acting, with Hulk Hogan's acting being extremely woeful.
  2. The plot makes little sense, and continues to make less and less sense.
  3. Amnesia as a plot device is a pretty rubbish way to move the plot forward.
  4. Blake's motivation for being cruel and selfish is never revealed.
  5. When Blake and his staff are going to play paintball, they're not wearing any protective masks, which is important.
  6. The kid characters are very annoying.
  7. Doesn't really feel like a Christmas film.
  8. The film's depiction of ATM machines is very inaccurate, where you need to scan your thumbprint to access your bank account.
  9. Frost being a germaphobe doesn't come off as menacing.
  10. So many plot holes, such as Blake not being able to remember that he was raised in the orphanage yet is able to remember the code to the vault in the catacombs under the orphanage, and the quartz crystals exploding at the slightest drop, which doesn't stop Blake and Frost having a crystal quartz swordfight at the end.
  11. Very predictable and heavily foreshadowed plot twist that reveals Blake and Frost both grew up in the orphanage as best friends.

Trivia

  • The original author's draft was changed so much that he sued to have his name removed.
  • Don Stark and Mila Kunis would both go on to star in That '70s Show.
  • Frost's sumo lab assistant is played by one of Hogan's friends and fellow WWE Hall of Famer Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake.

Videos


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Masson Thief

17 months ago
Score 2
The RQs are more convincing than most of the WIS, which instead are pretty weak. If this isn't fixed we will have to delete the page.
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Deepthroat Ghoul

16 months ago
Score 1

You know, No Holds Barred, Suburban Commando, and Mr. Nanny are all masterpieces compared to this.

In fact, Jingle All The Way (which came out the same year) was a far better Christmas film than this.

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