Joshua and the Promised Land

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Joshua and the Promised Land
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"No!... Noooo!"
Genre: Animation
Adventure
Religion
Directed By: Jim Lion
Written By: Jim Lion
Starring: Jonathan Dauerrman
Harland Greene
Kerry Orrman
Nick Vetter
Jim Lion
Photography: Color
Distributed By: Fountain Distribution
Release Date: November 1, 2004
Runtime: 55 Minutes
Country: United States


Joshua and the Promised Land is a 2004 low-budget CGI film about a young, anthropomorphic lion traveling back in time and living out the adventures of the biblical Joshua so he can learn a lesson about courage.

Plot

After the death of Moses, God calls on Joshua to lead the Israelites across the Jordan River and take possession of the promised land. God guarantees victory in the military campaign and vows never to leave the Israelites so long as they obey his laws.

Why It Sucks

  1. Horrific CGI animation that is way standards of when it was released (the biggest offender of this movie, by the way).
  2. The character models are terrible as they all look naked and unfinished with their creepy facial expressions.
  3. There's a lot of clipping that you'll notice. For example, when Joshua sits on his bed, you'll see clipping in his stomach.
  4. Despite the fact that the characters are lions, they have no tails nor paws, which looks very strange. Their manes also lack any sign of life. In reality, lion manes are very bushy and would be waving around a bit in the wind. Here, their manes look more like potatoes with lion faces and ears glued on.
  5. The lip-syncing is very poor.
  6. Hilariously bad dialogue.
  7. The voice acting is absolutely abysmal.
  8. It heavily insults the Book of Joshua.
  9. Horrible editing.
  10. The narrator is a just a floating purple cat-pig monstrosity whose mouth barely moves when he talks, which is very unsettling.
  11. It took four years to make this. You could easily see that other animators take less than that long to make actual decent animation.
  12. The concept of an anthropomorphic lion learning about courage is very clichéd and unoriginal.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. The dialogue, while poorly written and tone-deaf, is hilariously awful and pure joke material, especially Moses' "NO!... NOOOO!" line.
  2. Chris, Joshua's guardian angel, actually gives a decent performance.
  3. The animation is so bad that at times it's actually hilarious. One example is when Joshua is chasing the doves in order to get dinner.
  4. The film's creator, Jim Lion, admits that it's horrible and agrees with all the criticisms against it, which goes to show that he can actually take criticism, even though he doesn't regret making it, as it gave him an opportunity to practice his animation skills.
  5. NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOO,

Trivia

  • The "No!... Noooo!" scene gained meme status.

The Movie

Videos

Comments


avatar

JDM4678

6 months ago
Score 4
Yes, this movie does exist
avatar

No bias

one month ago
Score 2

If you feel useless just remember

This movie does exist.
avatar

Gabeeli448

one month ago
Score 1
this made me feel better
avatar

SpongeBobFan99

one month ago
Score 2
No. NOOOOOOOOOOO!

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External Links