Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike
"WHAT THE HOLY HELL?!? Who-who the Hell asked for this? Who asked for anything from this franchise? Why the FUCK is this a franchise?!?"— TheMysteriousMrEnter
Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike is a 2007 Christmas computer-animated comedy film which was been based on the video game of the same name.
Santa and his brother, Dingle, are pirates roaming the open sea. After getting kicked off their ship by their own crew, they become trapped in ice and don't thaw out until they reach the north pole. There, they meet elves who recognize Santa as the prophesied "white beard" and ask him to lead their factory. The elves already had been making toys, but they didn't have anything to do with them, so they kept them in storage. Santa had the idea of giving the toys to the world's children, and thus, Christmas is born. After 600 years, Santa becomes sick of his brother Dingle loafing around in his apartment and insists that he leave. This upsets Dingle, so he plots against Santa in order to take over Christmas from him. He challenges Santa to a game of Elf Bowling, but after the elves discover he cheated, his plan is foiled. He then tricks Santa into getting frozen and writes a fake note about how Santa hates the elves and is leaving. This upsets the elves, and Dingle uses the opportunity to make them follow him on a trip to Fiji. After Santa's wife finds him, Santa must get back to the elves in order to save Christmas. While Dingle hypnotized the elves, Santa figured out a way to reverse the process, thwarting Dingle's plan and saving Christmas.
Why It Sucks
- Desperate, almost insulting disconnection to the Santa Claus mythology, from having Santa's favorite food to be strudel to having him be portrayed as a Pirate Captain for his true identity in a few thousand years from the past, according to a transition scene during the film.
- Portraying Saint Nicholas as a Pirate Captain makes absolutely no sense at all since Christmas dates back to at least 336 AD, and maritime piracy as known didn't even start until the 14th Century.
- Poor humour, which heavily focuses on slapstick, like Dingle slapping the penguins with fish, or toilet humour, like the elves making armpit farts.
- Poor connection to the source material (what little there is anyway).
- Horrendous CGI animation. Everyone looks like they're made of clay.
- The character movement is extremely awkward, floaty and slow.
- Dingle constantly cheats throughout the film, and barely even has a character, to begin with.
- It introduces some of the main characters way too late in the movie.
- Awful voice acting, even from veteran actors like Tom Kenny and Joe Alaskey, which is filled with pirate lingo (though to be fair, the two main characters used to be pirates themselves. Unfortunately, that doesn't make the quality any less bad).
- Another crucial plot point is a magic orb that has powers that are usable, but they happen at complete random.
- Numerous plot holes, which include:
- Santa not being able to produce enough toys if not for Dingle hypnotizing the elves.
- Why are there penguins living in the North Pole? Most penguins live in the South Pole (A.K.A. Antarctica).
- There are lots of really out-of-nowhere moments, like two giant walking and talking Moai heads.
- Stupid and annoying songs, such as the Elf introduction song, and Dingle's song, in which he glorifies slavery.
- False Advertising for two reasons:
- The design of Santa on the poster looks nothing like that shown in the movie.
- There are six penguins on the poster, but only two actually appear in the entire movie.
- It first came out on October 3rd, which makes no sense because that’s way too early for a Christmas-themed movie and Christmas isn't even celebrated until December.
- The "Who pooped in the peanut barrel?!?" line is actually quite funny.
- Dingle's "Mutiny" song is pretty catchy.
The movie was panned by critics and audiences alike for its inappropriate-for-a-children's-movie humor and nonsensical plot.