Godzilla 1998 is a dreadful reboot (review/rant)

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As you should know, I am a diehard Godzilla super-fan. It is my all time favorite series, and I have watching the movies since I was a toddler. I'm glad I refused to watch this abortion of a remake after the first two-or-three times I saw it. You'll see why below.

First off, you thought DragonBall Evolution and the Last Airbender are unfaithful movie adaptations of a fantastic TV series? Think again! This movie is an insult to Toho's Godzilla movies. It takes a nasty shit in the faces of any Godzilla fan (and sane viewer) who has a shred of courage to watch it. Right for the get go, Godzilla is a generic spiky awesomebro T. Rex wannabe with a Jay Leno chin and gets killed by missiles instead of being a prehistoric indestructible nuclear beast who eats nukes as a snack. "Godzilla" here also lays eggs too. You ever saw that shit in the older movies?

The main theme of the franchise is never heard, no character from the classic films appears, Japan and WWII aren't even mentioned and there are no genuine references to the source material outside of Godzilla's Japanese name "Gojira" being said.

Also, you can't enjoy this movie as a solo monster movie despite what everyone says. It sucks even as a simple monster movie. The CGI is piss poor and ugly. Everything has this hideous grey color scheme, and "Godzilla" looks like a fucking PS2 cutscene model. And it being released in the 90s is no excuse. This movie came out a year after the Lost World and 5 years after Jurassic Park itm has a bigger budget, and yet looks significantly worse. Speaking of Jurassic Park...

It's clear that Roland Emmerich cared more about milking the shit out of this shameless Jurassic Park bootleg than making a faithful movie adaptation. Baby Zillas were just wish.com JP velociraptors, and the chase between Zilla and the taxi is just a worse version of the T. Rex car chase in JP. Plus, the egg scene is also just a cheap copy of the Ovomorph nest in Aliens.

The action is some kind of joke. There's nothing exciting happening. It's just this ugly CGI dinosaur running away from ugly CGI jets and ugly CGI explosions. Half of the action is the same shit but with some slightly different movements happening. You'd expect more collateral damage and actual fighting in a monster movie, right? WRONG! Zilla barely even causes any genuine destruction, instead the military causes most of it. Also, how are these trained, professional soldiers prepared for this stuff not able to shoot this 54 meter tall behemoth? Even then, there's not enough destruction!

The acting is cringe as shit. Matthew Broderick as the camera guy man dude Nick (don't remember his full name, I don't give a single fuck) shows no emotion other than a mildly concerned face, and his lover is just generic hot action movie girl #1. This boring shitfest just shoves in this horribly executed, badly written and unbelievably bland love story between the two statues because it wants to have some kind of "plot".

And plus, it just shows even more that Roland Emmerich was just a massive prick about Godzilla, considering he whined so much about how " UnReAlIsTiC" and "sTuPiD" the older films were, as if this awful fucking movie isn't either of those. Does he think he's some fucking experienced scientist or some shit? Sure, you got rid of the Atomic Breath, but getting rid of Godzilla's most iconic ability doesn't make your movie "realistic". For example:

    • After Zilla was mutated into a monster, Elsie theorizes that it's a living Allosaurus, which supposedly lived in the late Cretaceous. There is so much wrong with this. First off, Allosaurus was a dinosaur that lived in the late Jurassic. Second, theropod dinosaurs don't have pronated/backwards facing hands like they are playing the congas. They have supinated/inwards facing hands like they are clapping. Third off, Allosaurus doesn't even get close to being that big, lmfao.
    • Zilla was originally a marine iguana in France prior to being mutated. Bruh, marine iguana live in the Galapagos Islands, Ecuador, not France.
    • Zilla also likes eating fish... despite being a mutated version of a herbivorous animal.
    • Despite how he consistently made fun of the entire premise of Godzilla, he still continues to use the same concept of an underwater reptilian creature being mutated by a nuclear bomb. If you somehow didn't know, nuclear bombs (or nuclear radiation in general) don't mutate you, they KILL you. Sure, they can cause genetic and physical mutations, but those are just physical deformities.

So, yeah. For aiming for more realism, you sure as hell failed at it, Mr. Emmerich.

This isn't the worst Godzilla movie, objectively speaking. But it is easily my least favorite in the series. It is extremely unfaithful to it's source material and completely disrespects it and fans of it. Sitting on Anguirus' spikes with your balls is less painful than watching this asinine pile of iguana shit.

Boosting this (actual) shit into the Skull-Meter, I'm gonna give Godzilla (1998) a 15/100. This movie fucking sucks.

Well, that was my review of Godzilla (1998), see ya!

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