Kesner: The Movie (Fake Movie Collab (Kesner))

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|name = Kesner: The Movie
 
|name = Kesner: The Movie
 
|Picture = DerpChrysi.gif
 
|Picture = DerpChrysi.gif
|Quote = ''"Like, what the actual scrumdidilyumptious fuck?"'' -Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp)
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|Quote = ''"Like, what the actual scrumdidilyumptious fuck?"''<br>-Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp)
 
|Genre = Comedy, Action, Adventure
 
|Genre = Comedy, Action, Adventure
 
|Cinematography = Literally every color to ever exist
 
|Cinematography = Literally every color to ever exist

Revision as of 04:29, 30 June 2020

10

NOTE: You can edit this, add yourself into the movie, add your own "Why It Sucks/Redeeming Qualities" reasons or whatever. However, DO NOT VANDALIZE IT.

"I wanted to kill myself watching this. I nearly walked out of the cinema a billion times, but sat through the whole movie. It is one of the worst movies of all time. Even worse than Foodfight!. Goodbye!"

The Eggrollslovakian rebel


Kesner: The Movie
DerpChrysi.gif
"Like, what the actual scrumdidilyumptious fuck?"
-Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp)
Genre: Comedy, Action, Adventure
Directed By: Fired NFL Stadium Janitor
Written By: A Bunch of Retarded Incels
Starring: Kesner
Cinematography: Literally every color to ever exist
Distributed By: Miraheze
Release Date: October 17th, 2025
Runtime: 6,900 minutes
Country: Eggrollslavakia, Slavakanianania
Sequel: Kesner's Boring Adventure Part Deux (in development)


Kesner: The Movie is a 2025 Eggrollslavakian film directed by a fired NFL stadium janitor who was caught hitting a bong inside the woman's restroom. It premiered at a rental apartment building used normally for filming pornos and snuff films. The movie was released on the same date as the tragic event of the nuking of Nuke Town from Call of Duty.

Synopsis

Kesner does random shit for 6,900 minutes (approximately 115 hours, which is around 4 days) after he is cursed to live through an extra time period after stealing a water bottle from a vending machine.

Why it Sucks

  1. It wasn't screened in advance for critics which means...OH YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW!!!
  2. Kesner's actions in the movie make him a borderline criminal.
  3. Every Miraheze user that makes an appearance in this movie is extremely out of character and acts nothing like their real life counterparts, and they all like to go on failure adventures (Except Inkster, Zapper, HellLord and Theblazemaster4 because the former, he threatened Kesner that he would nuke Eggrollslavakia if he was out of character. Zapper because she'll zap herself to death if she ever starred in this film, HellLord said "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING KESNER, EIJI, VICTOR AND ALL OF YOUR OTHER FRIENDS, YOU GUYS ARE JUST DOING CRAP AND IF YOU VOMIT AGAIN THEN YOU GUYS WILL BE MURDERED" and Theblazemaster4 said that he would sue the Eggrollslavakian government).
    1. Wage, Eiji, Victor and even Kesner himself all hate memes.
      • Eiji is also no longer a K-Pop Stan, worships Joker and hates Parasite. He's also reduced to a gay stereotype, and is now a NASCAR fan for no reason.
      • Victor worships The Incredibles and loathes Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.
      • Similar to Eiji, Kesner is reduced to an LGBT stereotype as an asexual and he pushes away every chance of romance and vomits every single time he thinks about sex.
    2. Masson Thief is an abusive admin who blocks everyone that dares to say anything bad about the Reception Wikis or so much as to criticize him.
    3. Stephenfisher2001 is an Anti-Brony.
    4. Grust isn't evil. He doesn't even torture the Crappy Games Wiki admins once in the whole entire movie.
    5. Void locks accounts the second they are made.
    6. EnnardTrap1987 didn’t rant about how shitty WWE 2K20CGW and Cuck are, which is absolutely unacceptable to exclude that fact.
    7. Trevor, like Stephen, is also reduced to an Anti-Brony. He also has an extreme contempt for NASCAR, to the point of suicide-bombing Daytona International Speedway and every other surviving track that ever hosted a NASCAR-sanctioned race.
    8. Awegamer2015 is a huge NatDexer.
    9. Mickey Mouse (user) is a Thomas the Tank Engine and Mickey Mouse hater and instead worships Looney Tunes and Cars, and thinks Allister from Pokémon should brutally die, and has a crush on Chicken-Chan.
    10. Portrock1566 is a bigo- UwU.
    11. Ramadhan1a is a strict and extremely corrupt SJW who hates anime and tries to ban porn and fetish art.
    12. PlantyB0i becomes an annoying idiot as if he was acting like Larry as he acted VeggieTales in the House. Though he's still not out of character completely.
    13. Boah is a worthless weakling who complains about his ethnicity and how everyone "makes fun of him". At one point, he files a lawsuit against Trevor for spelling his name wrong. He also randomly protests against capitalists until he shifts so much towards the left that he gets reduced to an Antifa stereotype, and then goes through a phase where he suddenly becomes a vegan hippie who watches Video Brinquedo movies. (His favorite one is Ratatoing.)
    14. SaltylakeXD is an annoying whiny emo bitch who worships Object Terror and hates Inanimate Insanity and Battle For Dream Island. Not only that, but like Eiji and Kesner, she's reduced to a bisexual stereotype.
    15. Seewater514 is not a Florida man, and calls vandals "protecting wealthy peacemakers" instead of "vandalizing street hooligans".
    16. Glitchmaster is an unlikeable asshole who thinks San Andreas is the worst game in the world, and likes Big Rigs.
    17. Stomps likes Pakdam Pakdai and is a big fan of it even though it is one of the worst rip-off cartoons ever. Plus he has straight up TRASH opinions!##While PKMFan345 retains his original personality and is still his Korrina loving self, he only speaks in Pokémon cries.
    18. Hookuai is a literal braindead fuck who can't read anything
    19. Μπέλα2006 is a Liar who promises at first to help people but in the 2nd half of the movie teams up with Fizzy (Canimals) and kills the main character making him a BIG LIAR!
  4. Weird poster that doesn't even have the title of the movie. Also, how the hell is it animated?
  5. Cringeworthy dialogue, such as the infamous scene where Kesner sees a dog do a backwards and flip and says ”Well I'll be a taco truck! That Diddy Kong gone dog did a backwards flip!”
    1. Another scene where Mario says his infamous "You know what they say, all toasters toast toast" line. Also, keep in mind that this was a filler scene.
    2. There's also a scene where Aeris says her infamous "This guy are sick" line. It was also done as filler.
  6. FALSE ADVERTISING: The trailer shows a scary monster that didn't even appear in the movie.
  7. Eggrollslavakian stereotypes, despite the film itself being produced in Eggrollslavakia.
  8. Terrible soundtrack consisting mostly of meme songs like Dame tu Cosita, and the infamous "Baby Shark".
  9. Bad innuendos, like Kesner making a 69% on his biology test.
  10. It was revealed that Kesner wrote a bad word on the blacktop in third grade and was never punished for it in this movie.
  11. Special effects that look like a 70's movie and were literally made with Kinemaster (Except for the blueberry scenes). In fact, you can even see the Kinemaster watermark on the screen!
  12. Lots of pointless special guest appearences/cameos.
    1. The entire Miraheze userbase (As already mentioned)
    2. A bunch of Mortal Kombat characters appear for one short scene, dancing to the Caramelldansen in a disco. The characters include: Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Liu Kang, Jax, Johnny Cage, Reptile, Ermac, Raiden, Noob Saibot, and Especially Cyrax. And it was only their sprites from the Mortal Kombat arcade games, which is incredibly lazy.
    3. Heavy Weapons Guy is a peace preaching hippie, despite being a mercenary armed with a machine gun in Team Fortress 2 and takes pride in killing his enemies.
    4. A scene where Planty was watching TV until Yoshi magically came out of his TV saying "Scooby-dooby Doo!"
    5. Chuck E. Cheese, Jasper T. Jowls, Mr. Munch, Pasqually, and Helen Henny join forces with the Inklings and they have a Chuck E. Cheese themed picnic.
    6. Cool Cat having a TED Talk which is almost as long as an actual TED Talk.
    7. Norm the Polar Bear and his lemmings being religious nut-jobs in a bunch of scenes.
    8. Goro Akechi who is just there at a scene where he is eating delicious pancakes.
    9. Motu who is just there for no reason other than his comedy.
    10. Master Chief fighting against All Might. It's a long fight.
    11. Garfield eating tons of LASAGA
    12. Wario and Waluigi being chased by Daleks who were trying EX-TER-MINATE both characters. But they survived.
    13. Deku and Uravity just there going on a date. It also becomes a cliche love scene.
    14. Iida making out with Eiji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
    15. Captain Qwark singing Take on Me.
    16. A bunch of Roblox characters saying OOF
    17. Judy and Nick becoming anti-furries which is ironic since they are animals themselves. They also become ninjas by only watching Naruto. That is so unrealistic.
    18. Wreck-It Ralph trying to wreck Epic Games HQ just because they are behind Fortnite, and later breaking into Sony Pictures Animation for creating The Emoji Movie.
    19. PlantyB0i's three kittens from his yard fighting.
    20. Big Smoke ordering two number nines, a number 2-9 large, a number dip with extra dip, a number 7, 6ix number two fourty fives, 9ine with cheese, 9 dip with extra large cheese with dip, a number 2 with extra number nines, a number soda with 7 extra dip and a dip with dip and a cheese, with extra fourty fives, and fourty dip soda, and a large dip.
    21. Sly, Bently, and Murray trying to steal Carl Wheezer's llamas.
    22. Dio Brando just because of one scene where he trolls Terry Bogard.
    23. Mr. Lunt who does nothing but talk about irrelevant junk such as cheeseburgers.
    24. Shrek's cameo as a McDonald's chef.
    25. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Bismuth, Peridot, and Lapis as King Julien's servants and they plain to raid King Dedede's castle.
    26. Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Dixie Kong, Cranky Kong, Funky Kong, Tiny Kong (DK 64 version), Lanky Kong, Chunky Kong, Kiddy Kong, and Candy Kong doing the DK Rap.
    27. Siren Head only speaks in meme songs.
    28. The Straw Hat Pirates from One Piece still searching for the One Piece and they join forces with the Mystery Gang from Scooby-Doo which is too long for a filler scene.
    29. The 2019 version of Hellboy ordering and eating pizza
    30. Luna, Andy, Leo, and Carmen (Yes, the characters from Let's Go Luna) becoming slavaboos.
    31. Morgana going to McDonald's and ordering a Happy Meal while playing Fortnite during his meal. He also get's trolled in the Play Place.
    32. Fynlly the fire truck saying "What in the red name of hell is this?" CHILDHOOD RUINED AAAAAAAAA
    33. Mickey Mouse is reffered to as Yekcim Esuom for some reason.
    34. Allister and Thomas the Tank Engine being best friends and threatning to kill Nate from Yo-kai Watch and Lightning McQueen.
    35. Peacock from Skullgirls and Donald Duck enjoying a vacation in Hong Kong.
    36. Lightning McQueen and Mater going on a quest for tires.
    37. Multiple NCAA mascots appearing in a football game between the Oregon Ducks and the Miami Hurricanes.
    38. PaRappa the Rapper ranting about modern rap which is ironic since he is a rapper himself. Not to mention that he provides some musical numbers rapping style.
    39. Zachary Ray Sherman from Cuck (Ronnie) was a very unnecessary cameo.
    40. Sonic the Hedgehog's cameo as a highway traffic officer is ironic as he gives people tickets for speeding yet is the fastest thing alive. Later on, Bibleman kills Sonic.
    41. Speaking of Bibleman, he later appears in an alleyway, alongside Phoenix Jones, who sells drugs to Bibleman. Despite the fact, that Bibleman wouldn’t buy something like that.
    42. The Grinch leaking Super Smash Bros. DLC
    43. Maud Pie being Kesner's biology teacher feels out of place.
    44. Tidus is the leader of the drama club (While Cloud Strife is the co-leader) and even attempts to re create the infamous laughing cutscene from Final Fantasy X.
    45. Speaking of Cloud Strife, he later reappears in a scene where he summons a fat chocobo as an attempt to kill Armageddon by crushing him with it (He ends up failing though).
    46. Bea swelling up like a blueberry (Although it is admitingly the best part of the film). This also happened to Nessa, Edelgard (Time-Skip version), Dorothea, Mercedes, Eirika, Lucina, Hapi, Clair, Sayori, Female Byleth, Lyn, Palutena, Aerith, Min Min, Mt. Lady, Twintelle, Mary Jane, Tifa, Korrina, Peach, Daisy, Rosalina, Shalltear Bloodfallen, Marina (Splatoon), Elsa, 2B, Nami, Nico Robin, Chiaki Nanami, Zero Two, Marnie, Gloria (Pokémon), Mio, Ritsu, Lola Pop, Serena, Wii Fit Trainer (the female version), Yang Xiao Long, Futaba Sakura, Haru Okumura, Makoto Niijima, Tsumugi, Azusa, Nodoka, Jun, Ui, Kumiko, Isabella (Theblazemaster4's love interest) Satania, Iris (Mega Man X), and Violet Beauregarde herself (both versions) in later scenes.
    47. Kanon Matsubara never ever says "fuee" and acts completely out of character since she apparently has Kokoro Tsurumaki's eccentric and happy-go-lucky personality, and she became an idiot. She also jellyfishes with SpongeBob and Patrick.
    48. Todd Howard using the Infinity Gauntlet to give the universe "sixteen times the detail", but nothing changes afterwards.
    49. Doctor Doofenshmirtz creates the "SHIT MOVIE-INATOR!"
    50. Chuck Glarman finding the eyes of Spider-Man and keeping them in a jar.
    51. Ness and Lucas committing arson with PK fire.
    52. Flint Lockwood inventing the FLDSMDFR and saying the n-word on-screen.
    53. Peni Parker who is seen watching the 4Kids dub of One Piece which is a terrible dub. Though she get's attacked by Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star later on. Though Peni survives.
    54. Banjo and Kazooie teaching viewers how to build a house.
    55. Crazy Dave speaking gibberish to Big Smoke.
    56. Dr. Zomboss setting a building on fire.
    57. Anakin Skywalker killing Jedi younglings.
    58. Monokuma forces the Five Nights at Freddy's animatronics to a killing game.
    59. Carbon from Book of Mario threatening to murder the whole cast but himself.
    60. Stitch saying "Elephants" in a indian accent.
    61. Firey and Gelatin tying their legs together.
    62. Yui Hirasawa (Glitchmaster's waifu) masturbating with her Giita.
    63. Lamar insulting Franklin over his "yee-yee ass haircut" and saying "N*gga...".
    64. Phil Swift using a chainsaw to cut a giant boat and screams "NOW THAT'S A LOTTA DAMAGE!!" in an extreme earrape tone, just to advertise his new Flex Seal product.
    65. MePhone4 and OJ talking about Rick Astley while Lightbulb spazzes out in the background.
    66. RoboCop does the floss. Oh, and you know WHERE THAT WILL GO!
    67. Spawn appears a few times, throughout the movie. In his first appearance, he is seen observing from a building, with his shroud, aka; K7 Leetha flowing across the Titan’s Tower from Teen Titans. Because apparently, they put that building near it for NO FUCKING REASON! But anyway, the second time Spawn appears, is when he confronts the main characters, and saying "Excuse me, do you know the directions to a McDonalds nearby?", and then the third (And final) scene he appears, he just falls to his knees, and cries "WANDAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" For no reason, AT ALL. However, its great that Keith David reprises his role as Spawn in the movie, despite the fact they wasted his talents.
    68. The fucking Nostalgia Critic appears at the end of the movie, with Doug Walker reprising his role. The Nostalgia Critic literally says "This movie is shit! The characters are terrible! The jokes are unfunny and corny! The dialogue makes no sense, and writing, oh the humanity! ITS AWFUL!" However, he is correct on how the movie is bad.
    69. Senator Armstrong is seen purging all the weaklings, and making America GREAT AGAIN!
    70. Angel from Hazbin Hotel asking 90% of characters to suck his dick. I wonder if Vivziepop is aware of this movie.
    71. Chicken-chan (Selene) eating a lot of food to the point she becomes a big, fat, round chicken. She also works in the circus as a balloon clown.
    72. Every Mixel saying "we want all nixels to rot in hell :)"
    73. Katsuki Bakugo and Minoru Mineta being forced to watch The Emoji Movie which makes their eyes bleed.
    74. Both versions of Willy Wonka getting into a heated debate on whether Willy Wonka & the Chocolate FactoryGMW or Charlie and the Chocolate FactoryGMW is better than the other, and soon this arguement escalates into a death battle between the two.
    75. In the post-credits scene, Peter Griffin is seen pointing a gun at Cleveland, walking and saying hi to Meg.
    76. The Tobey Maguire Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield Spider-Man, and Tom Holland Spider-Man are seen fighting with each other over who's Spider-Man is better.
    77. Mario vandalizing many pages on Wikipedia which goes against his character and threatning to kill Pokemon trainers
    78. Pac-Man telling Chicken-chan to eat healthy which is hypocritical since Pac-Man eats WAY too much. There is also another scene where Pac-Man actually cheats on Miss Pac-Man just by dating Chicken-chan.
    79. Noggin Clontith saying I'm a gnome and you been gnomed! which is unneeded.
    80. The Loud Siblings from The Loud House getting their Quirks (that are enhanced versions of the Full House Gang) to the point that they are all enrolled to U.A. High School for some reason and are in Class 1-A. While this does sound cool, it's still filler. It also becomes a very long My Hero Academia episode that features the said siblings from The Loud House.
    81. The entire credits scene involves K.K. Slider singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole in a dark background. Though to be fair, it's still a nice callback to the Animal Crossing series.
    82. Broly screaming KAKAROT! during RoboCop's floss scene.
    83. J. Jonah Jameson wanting to get a picture of The Loch Ness Monster.
    84. Thanos is seen getting snapped out of existence by Dark Thanos.
    85. Luxo Jr. jumping on Bea's head. Another scene involves Luxo Jr. jumping on Bea's tummy when she became a blueberry.
    86. Eric Cartman appearing out of nowhere and saying "Screw you guys, I'm going home!".
    87. The Terminator is seen having sex with an anime girl and disintegrates 5 minutes into the sex scene.
    88. The Snatcher saying "AHAHAHAHA! YOU FOOL!!!!!!!" to Glitchmaster and then makes a tuxedo out of thin air and dances with Glitchmaster to Scatman John.
    89. Doc Ock presenting his fusion machine, and it goes haywire. Later, he tries to rebuild his fusion machine.
    90. Pixels Q*bert is seen having sex with Ludlow.
    91. Doge being in charge of a dance party
    92. Mumble and the Amigos going into Sonic (the restaurant) and causing commotion with the ice cream machine because they just wanted to have some ice cream.
    93. Trevor Philips killing Johnny Klebitz (along with the rest of the Lost MC) and going on a massive rampage for no reason.
    94. Miles Morales randomly saying "hey".
    95. Zero questioning what he's fighting for after Iris becomes a blueberry.
    96. Pikachu spinning around in an office chair.
    97. Simon Belmont looking into the Death Star and getting killed by the superlaser.
    98. Abby from The Last of Us Part II is seen playing golf with Ellie, and Joel’s dead corpse.
    99. Michael Myers is seen taking off his shirt.
    100. David Draiman, the lead singer of Disturbed, watching "The Greatest Hit of Disturbed".
    101. Daffy Duck singing racist songs.
    102. Red fighting against Ash Ketchum.
    103. The Ghostly Trio singing "Lucky Enough to Be a Ghost", a song from a deleted scene from Casper.
    104. Dr. Doppler (Mega Man X) dancing to Livin' La Vida Loca.
    105. The Canimals tagging the main characters house with spray paint.
    106. The Pink Tentacle from Maniac Mansion: Day of the Tentacle destroying the hometown.
  13. AWFUL acting (save for Jay Walker, Mindy, TheBlazeMaster4, Inkster, PlantyB0i, Thomas the Tank Engine and Allister's performances). Most actors show no emotion at all, mutter their lines and were clearly only in on it for their paychecks.
  14. At one point during the scene when Kesner is robbing the lasagna reserve with Garfield, Odie and Jon, Jon says that Lord Cupcakke the Great is the worst music artist ever because one of the security guards were listening to Squidward Nose. This speaks for itself.
  15. It's 6,900 minutes long...for no reason.
    • Lots of padding, hence the extremely long runtime.
    • TOO MUCH FILLER. Even more filler than the Naruto franchise.
  16. Way too much product placement for things like Nintendo, Amazon, Microsoft Windows, McDonald's, Extra gum, Wonka bars, Amazon, Sony, the Flex Seal Family of Products, etc.
  17. Lots of ugly and scary logos are in this movie as a result of all of the product placement.
  18. Mean spirited moments, such as:
    1. Kesner breaking into an 11-year-old's home and shooting his Nintendo Switch with a shotgun just for playing Fortnite.
    2. A kindergarten teacher slapping ice cream cones out of her own students' hands after Kesner leaves the building.
    3. Wikipedia being DDoSed because one user got blocked after Kesner was promoted to an admin.
    4. Gru from Despicable Me freezing Team Bucciarati while putting their frozen bodies in a pizza crust. I'LL STUFF YOU ALL IN THE CRUST.
    5. Kesner Hacking a Fortnite tournament and replacing every screen present with the You Are an Idiot website.
    6. Sweet Tooth/Needles Kane killing a blueberry inflated Min Min and ends up selling her "blueberry blood juice". Thankfully, Min Min regenerated back from the dead for no reason.
    7. A man being shot dead just for saying bad things about Eggrollslavakia.
    8. Caillou getting grounded Vyond style. What else is there to say.
    9. Kesner killing a 6-year old for playing Fortnite
    10. Patlu forcing Motu to go on a diet. Patlu also crossed the line by making fun of Motu being fat which is offensive.
    11. In general, there are a lot of anti Fortnite moments in this movie, making the creators look like toxic haters of the game.
    12. A shiny Tropius, his trainer, a Poiple, and a talking Pokédex beating the ever loving shit out of Inkster.
    13. Waluigi and his supporters cyberbulling and physically threatening few innocent people just because Waluigi is not a playable character in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.
    14. Mickey Mouse (the user) killing Gordon Ramsay just because he said a bad word, as well as murdering Pac-Man so he could be friends with Chicken-chan
    15. Holden Makok giving SaltylakeXD a No-Holds Barred Beatdown just because she said she hated Blood On The Dance Floor (the band, not the Michael Jackson song).
    16. Andrew Kudohaurus blackmailing and hating on Glitchmaster.
  19. The scene where Kesner raids a Twitch convention filled with thots and simps and kills everyone with akimbo uzis while riding a long Starlight Glimmer is recycled from DUH COOLEST MUVIE IN DA WORLD!!1!!!1.
  20. A majority of the cast who participated in the film hated it. Enough said.
    1. In fact, Heavy said that he knew the film was going to be bad but only acted in it for no reason other than money.
    2. PlantyB0i said that he wanted to be in the movie just because he wanted to have fun and also finds out that his Miraheze pals are joining. Though he did agree that the movie would be bad, but he enjoyed his days of being in a movie for some reason.
    3. SaltylakeXD said she only starred in the movie for shits and giggles. She ended up regretting it later.
    4. Spawn said that he was tricked into starring in the movie, and felt even more suicidal ever since.
    5. Theblazemaster4 only starred in it because he was forced to or the director would send Eggrollslovakian soldiers to kill his family.
    6. Min Min wanted to be in the movie just because she wanted to promote her family restaurant called the Mintendo Noodle House. Despite this, she enjoyed giving noodles to the cast memebers.
  21. Uses dead/outdated memes, such as Doge, MLG, Ugandan Knuckles, Clorox Bleach, and even Darude Sandstorm.
  22. There is a scene where Kesner is playing his PS4 and the screen glitches out at 999999999 fps. Many epileptics in the theater had to be hospitalized because of this.
  23. Disgusting scenes like when a man in the background mistakes dog feces for chocolate ice cream and eats it.
    • There's also another disgusting scene where Holden Makok says "Baa Baa im ultra Baa Baa" and then RIPS AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER IN HALF WITH HIS BARE HANDS WHILE BLOOD AND ORGANS SPLATTER ALL OVER THE SCREEN!!!
    • King Julien and Lapis licking each other's feet which is purely pointless.
    • The infamous scene where Gloria and Marnie have blueberry sex in public, and it's uncensored. You read that right.
  24. Kesner fixes his broken Ride Armor during the Maverick shootout, just by kicking it.
  25. Kesner is far too overpowered. He kills every single colossus in Shadow of the Colossus just by flicking them.
  26. Encouarges drug use and underage alcohol consumption by many incel teens doing so at a nightclub that Kesner robs with a bazooka.
  27. It also encourages acts like robbing and killing, which can be seen by many of the crimes that Kesner commits throughout the movie that have already been listed on this page.
  28. The credits are two hours long.
  29. The director of the movie, the janitor, could not take any criticism or negativity on the movie at all. He took extreme measures by DMCAing every single review of it on YouTube and forcing Twitter staff to remove all of the tweets critical of the movie and suspend the accounts forever at gunpoint.
  30. The movie creators were confirmed to have bribed critics, giving the film 80%-99%n scores and many labeling it as the best film of 2025. People review bombed the movie on Rotten Tomatoes and IMDb as a result.
  31. The ending is the absolute worst ending ever!!!!!!! It has Carl "CJ" Johnson doing Fortnite dances while rapping Welcome to San Andreas in an earrape tone while the Miraheze users do GoAnimate Business Friendly dances while singing "Say So" by Doja Cat, and Furret does the default dance 100 times. WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK!!!!111!!!!!11!!!111!11111111!!!!1!!1!????????????????
  32. Speaking of singing. Many of the songs are shoehorned such as a scene where many of the VeggieTales characters (Bob, Larry, Junior, Pa Grape, Jimmy, Jerry, Petunia, Mr. Lunt, Mr. Nesser, and Archibald) singing We Are from One Piece.
  33. Laughable CGI (save for that on Armageddon and his minions), such as when Crazy Dave makes an army of plants and Flint Lockwood activating a lightsaber.
  34. Terrible and poorly done action scenes (Except for the death battles, and the climax), with the biggest example being the infamous toilet scene which mostly consists of Blaze and Rama throwing shit at each other when it gets to the point that Blaze stops feeding the trolls.
  35. Armageddon is a weak villain, who just wants to destroy the world for laughs. This means he is flanderised from his The Mirahezers personality.
  36. The post-credits scene of the movie depicts a man explaining how to give anal sex while demonstrating with a banana. IT EVEN GOES UP HIS ASS!!!!!!!
  37. The opening scene rips off that of The Dark KnightGMW
  38. The scene where the Miraheze users build a giant mech to fight Armageddon drags on for 5 hours.
  39. The climax (while epic) drags on for 10 hours and mostly consists of fighting across the galaxy.
  40. An unnecessary plot twist that Cuck made 903902923032920390292309029 Googleplex fortunes domestically
  41. The initial trailers are abysmal and have some things that don't happen in the movie, as well as reveal spoilers.
  42. The movie has so many fourth wall breaks to the point you could watch both Deadpool movies 100 times and still have this have more fourth wall breaks.
  43. It suffers from numerous plot holes such as:
    • Sonic, Pac-Man, and Simon Belmont somehow coming back to life for no unexplained reason.
    • Min Min and Po the Panda defeating Kingpin just by doing the floss and their spiritual energy comes out. Also when Min Min joined Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, she let Po joined the roster as part of challenger pack 7 for Fighters Pass Vol.2 without Sakurai's notice which is unrealistic. Po also invited Deku, Wreck-It Ralph, SpongeBob, Gru, and Steven Universe in the roster thinking that it will fill up Fighters Pass Vol.2.
    • Garnet knowing about Mr. Krabs' secret formula, yet she never went to the Krusty Krab before and she somehow knows the formula! She doesn't even steals the formula as well.
    • Rick and Morty being able to survive being run over by DIO's Roadroller and they get no injuries! Rick also becomes a college professor and makes his students smarter just by watching the show Rick comes from.
    • Cuphead being able to remove Tsuyu's Quirk just by shooting her once with his magical blue bullets. Thankfully Tsuyu's Qurik comes back.
      • Speaking of which, Tsuyu gets her Quirk back just by eating pizza from Pizza Hut.
    • Buster Baxter summoning his alien friends from the sky without explanation on how he does it.
    • When Veruca Salt falls down the garbage chute, a tribe of Quagsire come out of nowhere without any explanation and celebrate.
    • Rama killing an anime character, when he could have just shot the core of anime because they were in the same place.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. The director of the movie is a total lolcow that always shows off eccentric and/or foolish behavior that can be exploited to amuse onlookers whenever people say something bad about or criticize his movie or himself.
  2. Mindy Bloubahroi (a blueberry SwSh Lass) eating orange sherbet ice cream is one of the cutest and the most adorable scene in the movie.
    • In fact, Mindy herself is a likable and extremely cute and adorable major character, and her death is emotional after she tried to kill Armageddon in a suicide mission with Cloud Strife, yet she is later brought back to life.
  3. Inkster, HellLord, and Theblazemaster4 are, thankfully, the only users who aren't out of character.
  4. As mentioned earlier, Bea (alongside other mentioned characters) swelling up like a blueberry is arguably the best part of the film, and the scene itself is a nice homage to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
  5. Although pointless, the scene where Chuck E. Cheese, Jasper, Helen, Mr. Munch, and Pasqually joining the Inklings on a Chuck E. Cheese's themed picnic was very wholesome.
    • Another pointless yet wholesome scene includes PlantyB0i dating Eirika who became a blueberry at one scene. In fact, Planty didn't mind seeing Eirika as a big blueberry (he also dated Dorothea, Lyn, Hapi, and Mercedes in later scenes). The same goes for a scene where Cloud Strife dates a blueberry Tifa, Male Wii Fit Trainer dating a blueberry Female Wii Fit Trainer, Ren Amamiya dating a blueberry Futaba Sakura (same goes for Makoto and Haru in later scenes), and Ninjara dating a blueberry Min Min. These scenes were so wholesome that they won numerous awards.
  6. The Bill Wurtz jingles.
  7. Despite PlantyB0i being depicted as an insane lunatic, he still hasn't changed much aside from that. Hell, there were some scenes where Planty is in his original true personality.
  8. Despite SaltylakeXD being barely anything like her real-life counterpart, she still retains some aspects from her real personality (such as hating the band Blood On The Dance Floor)
  9. This movie has been used for interrogation sessions, and its use has been proven successful.
  10. Shirtless Myers became canon.
  11. Some people may find Chicken-chan becoming a big round chicken cute. Even Selene herself found it adorable and pretty much enjoyed making the scene. And her clown costume is extremely cute.
    • In fact she also liked being friends with Mickey Mouse (user) better than Pac-Man, even if she didn't date him.
  12. A scene a hacker implemented into the illegal DVD version where Kesner goes back in time to stop the movie from existing is nothing short of funny.
  13. As mentioned above, the death battles and the climax are epic and well done.
  14. HellLord had learned that the characters are still being out of character and later, HellLord found Kesner and his other friends only to kill Eiji and Victor and Chaofun.
  15. While Allister and Thomas wanted to kill Nate and Lightning McQueen, their friendship and chemistry have been praised for being very well developed and in some moments, very cute, to the point both won the Best Duo prize in the Eggrollslovakian Movie Awards.
  16. "Chaofun, we meet again."
    • "DONT CALL ME CHAOFUN!!!!!"
  17. Before the movie was shown, the commercial for Big Bill Hell's Cars played. Everyone in the audience laughed, including Kesner.
  18. Diglett's full body is finally revealed, and it's adorable.
  19. A lot of people argue that Theblazemaster4 did give a decent performance.
  20. At least the Ice Age Baby isn't involved
  21. As mentioned above, the CGI on Armageddon is decent.
  22. Speaking of which, Armageddon (while really weak) is shown in his true badass glory, especially when he steals Kesner's revolver to disintegrate it in his human form.
  23. Some of the humor can be rather clever like when Kesner encounters Jay Walker (Armageddon's human form), Jay Walker jaywalked to get to him when he was known as the CEO of Miraheze, and the villain here was Dark Kesner.
  24. There are some unintentionally hilarious scenes, such as when Flint Lockwood says "Engage coffee break!", he accidentally fires a Hadouken at the camera, which knocks it down.
  25. PlantyB0i's is a great singer when he sings his song during the movie. This made his song sound like a Disney movie.
  26. The sequel looks amazing.
  27. It’s nowhere near as bad as the previous Movie Kesner starred in (Kesner and the Timelord).
  28. Μπέλα2006 delivers a phenomenal performance even though he is a liar.

Trivia

  • It is the 3rd highest-grossing film in Eggrollslavakian history (Behind Kesner and Death of Eggrollslavaka and Canimals: the movie.), with 486 million Eggroes domestically.
  • It had 68 lawsuits from companies like Valve, Hasbro, Sega, Square Enix, Disney, Shonen Jump, and more due to featuring copyrighted characters without permission.
  • The crying face of one of the kindergarteners became a meme.
  • During an interview, Inkster revealed that the reason why the blueberry scenes look very impressive is that they weren't special effects; Bea, along with the others, were actually turned into blueberries, except Mindy who was already a blueberry since way before production began. They were deflated after filming ended (except Mindy, who was a permanent blueberry).
  • Glitchmaster regrets being in this film.
  • Dready declined to be in the movie due to it looking poorly done.
  • Sony Pictures Home Releasing distributed the illegal DVD version as revenge for using characters from Pixels, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-VerseGMW, Cloudy with a Chance of MeatballsGMW and Men in BlackGMW
  • A sequel is in the works, with a new character called SARZOVA-29, a cyborg as the main villain. All Miraheze users will reprise their roles.
  • Gene Wilder was resurrected to reprise his role as Willy Wonka.
  • In response to the hate to the movie, the Janitor responded by faking his own death and going dark. He is now a YouTuber who uses voice filters to change his voice. Even he hated the movie, and now wants to send a recall request from cinemas, but he can't because no one can know he's alive. Before he "died", he passed the rights to the movie to The Reception Company, which will open up the possibility to a reimagining.
  • After Po the Panda (along with a few other non-video game characters) joined Super Smash Bros., Sakurai excepts the fact that non-video game characters can join in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and it's the only time Sakurai can accept non-video game characters joining the battle until there is a new Super Smash Bros. game. However, the non-video game characters are not part of the fighters pass vol 2 and instead have their own fighters pass which is actually for free consisting of Po, Deku, Wreck-It Ralph, SpongeBob, Steven Universe, and Gru. The best thing is that Sakurai is getting help from other people so that way Sakurai can actually focus on fighters pass vol 2 which is for video game characters.
  • This is the largest page by size on this very wiki, having 41,984 bytes as of the current revision.
  • Μπέλα2006 has Regretted starring in this film.

Reception

Despite the extremely high grossing and making back very excessive portions of the budget, the film was ultimately panned by both domestic and foreign audiences and is considered to be the worst Eggrollslavakian film ever made, although the film was well recieved in Jeetdohisa and gained a cult following in the aforementioned country.

Kesner himself made an appearance on Good Morning Eggrollslavakia and spent every second on-screen poking fun at the movie.

It was revealed that the main reason why the movie actually made so much money is that there are no movies made in the country at all and this was the only movie that people could see, it would also be in theaters forever. Most people also consider it as a guilty pleasure and people keep coming back for it, and Inkster considers the film "so bad, it's good".

Despite the fact the film was very negatively received, Thomas and Allister (as well as their voice actors) won the Best Duo prize in the Eggrollslovakian Movie Awards, their performances were often considered to be one of the best aspects of the film and their friendship prize even beat others such as SpongeBob and Patrick, Mario and Luigi, Jonathan Joestar and Robert E. O. Speedwagon, & Motu and Patlu, it's being said however that Joseph May (Thomas' voice actor) insulted this film while accepting the award, which caused Allister to kick Joseph in the leg.

Hilariously Bad Dialogue

Most of the dialogue in this film is so bad, it's hilarious. Here are a few examples.

  1. "I wish I shot the man instead of the man."
  2. "I'm everyone, and you're nothing!"
  3. "AAAAAAHHHHH! *while falling* Hi! AAAAAHHHHH"
  4. "I got rickrolled for checking my privilege"
  5. "OH CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP HOLY CRAP, THIS IS TOO PAINFUL, CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!"
  6. "Don't step on Mr. Vomit!"
  7. "Fuck all *farts* farts!"
  8. "Fuck off you fucking fuck!"
  9. "-I am evitable - And I am inevitable"
  10. "-Fuckity fuck fuck, fuckity fuck, Look at Kesner go."
  11. "Check out the map, guys! See this? We can dog-paddle across, but it's so wide we'd start barking!"
  12. "A desert toilet! I like that Straw Hat! And that makes you desert doo doo."
  13. "Without big Smokey you guys are toast...heh...and I'm the toaster."
  14. "I want you to get into my microwave. Even if you can't, well who cares go in it anyways or suck my balls."
  15. "I'll have two number nines, a number 2-9 large, a number dip with extra dip, a number 7, 6ix number two fourty fives, 9ine with cheese, 9 dip with extra large cheese with dip, a number 2 with extra number nines, a number soda with 7 extra dip and a dip with dip and a cheese, with extra fourty fives, and forty dip soda, and a large dip."
  16. "NO ONE MUST KNOW THAT I BOOGIE WOOGIED".
  17. "If you can't pay the cash, then you're out with the trash! And feel free to quote me"
  18. "STOP PUNCHING ME!- Oh hey, Kyle."
  19. "Baa Baa im ultra Baa Baa"
  20. "Check your motherfucking privilege you motherfucking ass-licking shitfuck!!!"
  21. "Where's my fucking violin?"
  22. "Why did you say her name?!"
  23. "That smarts!"
  24. "Gee, it sure is boring around here"
  25. "I'll use my trusty frying pan as a *drying* pan!"
  26. "If you need instructions on how to watch this, check out the enclosed instruction book!"
  27. "If Toad doesn't get us outta here soon, I'm gonna eat this mattress!"
  28. "We can fix anything if there's spaghetti involved!"
  29. "If food isn't pasta, it doesn't count!"
  30. "I just had the strangest dream. I was a TV dinner!"
  31. "Stop licking your squash and get back to digging those bad games, fucko!"
  32. "If it's overrated, it's automatically bad. That's a fucking fact."
  33. "Air is worse than Adolf Hitler"
  34. "- It's over, Kesner, I have the high ground! - NO YOU DON'T. jumps to his island AND HERE'S YOUR FINISHER! slashes sword into 6-year old That's what you get for playing Fortnite, you fucking asshole"
  35. (rapping) "For deepin' a Green RAG with RAG GREEN, fires a green Hadouken Blast with the green rag SHOT, THAT'S GREEN."
  36. Pretty much everything Phil Swift says (EX. "Now you can become the tape!" becomes a roll of Flex Tape)
  37. "Let's strawberry jam out of here!"
  38. "Maybe you could say that today’s race separated the mice from the men."
  39. "How did she get so fucking big?" (this happens during Tifa's blueberry inflation)
  40. "Got milk?"
  41. "I AM...THE LAW!"
  42. "Tonight's forecast... a freeze is coming!"
  43. "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."
  44. "In thirty seconds you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for Corn Flakes."
  45. "I'm the master of the mechanical stuff."
  46. "Since I'm so strong, and you're so small, I can throw you way over there!"
  47. "DON'T CALL ME NOSEYBONK YOU JACKASS DEGENERATE!!!"
  48. starts beating up SaltylakeXD "HOW DARE YOU HATE BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR!? GO FUCK YOURSELF AND DIE!!! YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE HATERS MAKE THEM FAMOUS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!"
  49. "I am the senate!"
    • "Not yet."
  50. "I know his weakness. Hit him in the pancreas! No wait, that was a different guy."
  51. "Why do you want to be a bully? Bullies never have any friends!"
  52. "NOT COOL!!! I'LL CALL ALL 23 OF MY OLDER COUSINS TO BEAT YOU UP!!!"
  53. "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!"
  54. "Like, what the actual scrumdiddlyumptious fuck?"
  55. "What in the name of Fuck happened here"?
  56. "DO NOT WANT!!!"
  57. "I'm so fucking awesome and that's a fact. You can't deny it"
  58. "R U OKAY? BUSTA WULF!"
  59. "I'm pickle Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!

Comments


avatar

NeedsMoreJPEG

one month ago
Score 1
the villain of this movie is the ice age baby
avatar

SaltylakeXD

one month ago
Score 0
Oh noes
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HellLord

one month ago
Score 0
Nooooooo
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HellLord

26 days ago
Score 0

They got rid of him......


——;-;
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EnnardTrap1987

one month ago
Score 2
This movie..Exists..
avatar

Kesner

one month ago
Score 0
Uh huh.
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HellLord

16 days ago
Score 0
And it’s about to get real
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Theblazemaster4

one month ago
Score 0
One of the hilariously bad dialogue to me: I wish I shot the man instead of the man
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HellLord

one month ago
Score 0

If I was cast in this film, my lines would be this

"Hell is the answer of life, muhahahaha 😈😈😈" (don't forget that I'm actually not using hell for religion, I'm just using it for fun)

"What the hell is this crap, Tad The Lost Explorer And The Secret Of King Midas sucks, I'd rather watch Cats than this crap"

"Why the hell was blockbuster demolished" (in response to the news of Blockbuster Video in Sidcup being demolished)

"OH CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP HOLY CRAP, THIS IS TOO PAINFUL, CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPP!!!!!" (When he was crushed by satan)
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Glitchmaster

one month ago
Score 0
This is fucking hilarious. Keep it up!
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SaltylakeXD

one month ago
Score 0
Thanks!
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SaltylakeXD

one month ago
Score 0
Inb4 an edit war on WIS #32 happens
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HellLord

one month ago
Score 0

Lady Mindy 🛩


Oh No
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Emoboy69

one month ago
Score -1
u said everyone made an apperance well i didn't
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HellLord

one month ago
Score 1
Actually, if you wanna appear in the film, edit the page and put yourself in it but don't vandalise it though
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Harrison Dye

15 days ago
Score 0
Lmao
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Μπέλα2006

8 days ago
Score 0
Kesner, I just pg]age for another fake movie, Kesner and the Timelord.

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