Sextette

"Sextette isn't just a bad movie, it's a bad movie that doesn't even have the mercy of being bad in an amusing, shocking or even infuriating way. It's just...depressing - the final gasp of a career that deserved a much better coda. You watch it, and you're just embarrassed for everyone taking part in it."

- Musical Hell

Sextette is a 1978 musical film based on Mae West's 1961 play of the same name, starring Mae West, Timothy Dalton and Dom DeLuise, along with guest appearances from Ringo Starr, George Hamilton and Tony Curtis, and cameo appearances from Regis Philbin, George Raft, Keith Moon, Rona Barrett and Gil Stratton.

This movie ended up being Mae West's second and final movie role after coming out of her retirement (the first being Myra Breckinridge) before she passed away two years later.

Plot
American movie star and sex symbol Marlo Matters (Mae West) gets married for the sixth time, with her new husband being Sir Michael Barrington (Timothy Dalton), as they set off for a honeymoon in a hotel in London, England, which also happens to be the location of an international conference. However, neither Marlo, now known as Lady Barrington, nor her new husband are able to have sex, as their manager, Dan Turner (Dom DeLuise) tries to confiscate and destroy a tape that Marlo has recorded, as it may contain incriminating info on various world leaders that might sabotage her marriage, and Michael Barrington is caught in a scandal where he accidentally comes out as homosexual in a news report, and he finds out about Marlo's other ex-husbands, including a Russian diplomat (Tony Curtis), a film director (Ringo Starr) and a gangster (George Hamilton).

Why It's Not Sin-Sational

 * 1) The movie seriously tries to portray Mae West's character, Marlo Matters, as a young, attractive woman, despite West being way past her prime, as she was 84 years old at the time of filming. This would've probably made more sense if Mae West had portrayed Marlo Matters as a retired sex symbol that was looking for a younger woman as her understudy, or if the character was played by a younger actress.
 * 2) *The special effects and makeup used to hide Mae West's age don't really do a convincing effort at passing her off as a young woman.
 * 3) *This makes the relationship between her husband, Michael Barrington (whose actor, Timothy Dalton, was younger than Mae West by 53 years), and other characters that are younger than her, creepy and uncomfortable.
 * 4) The music (apart from Alice Cooper's "Next Next") isn't very good, as it either features lyrics that are hard, if not impossible, to understand (such as "Marlo's Theme", the opening musical number), or actors who can't really sing.
 * 5) *Some of the other songs are cringeworthy, like the cover of Captain and Tenille's "Love Will Keep Us Together".
 * 6) The "comedy" is non-existant.
 * 7) *Mae West's character, Marlo Matters, in addition to the other characters, utters double entendres throughout the movie. These would've been amusing (since double entendres are a recurring theme in Mae West's movies, after all) if it wasn't for West's age.
 * 8) *Marlo's ex-husbands are mishmashes of various stereotypes, with Tony Curtis' Russian diplomat being the most obvious.
 * 9) Many of the scenes don't make any sense. For example, there's a scene where, in an attempt to make Sir Barrington look less gay, Dan Turner tries to make him take a picture in front of muscular athletes. Wouldn't that logically make him look more gay?
 * 10) There's a sub-plot involving both Sir Barrington and Marlo Matters being secret agents, which feels really tacked on, and feels like a failed attempt to cash in on James Bond.
 * 11) *Coincidentally, Timothy Dalton, the actor who played Michael Barrington, would go on to play James Bond in mh:greatestmovies:The Living Daylights and mh:greatestmovies:Licence to Kill.
 * 12) The entire movie reeks of wasted potential, as it could've been a parody of Mae West's play with Marlo Matters being a retired actress who's self-aware of her long-gone days as a sex symbol.

Redeeming Qualities

 * 1) Alice Cooper's song "Next Next" is pretty decent.

Reception
Sextette was critically panned by many people upon its premiere, with a 25% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes and an average rating of 4.8/10. Variety dubbed it "a cruel, unnecessary and mostly unfunny musical comedy." The New York Times critic Vincent Canby called Sextette "embarrassing", and said, in reference to West, that "Granny should have her mouth washed out with soap, along with her teeth." The Los Angeles Times said it "will be cherished by her fans." Filmink said the film "is absurd but almost compulsive in its randomness." Film critic Rex Reed called the film "a total, unbearable bomb, more like a training film for retired French whores than anything else."

Timothy Dalton had very mixed feelings about the film, but he complemented Mae West and reportedly enjoyed working with her.

Box Office
Sextette grossed $50,000 against a $4 to $8 million budget, making the film a collosal box office failure.

Trivia

 * As previously mentioned, this was Mae West's final film role. She would pass away in November of 1980, more than two years after this movie's premiere.
 * This film was also the final film appearance of Keith Moon (a former drummer of The Who), as he would pass away from a drug overdose six months later.
 * George Raft, who played himself in this movie, had been the star of Mae West's first film, Night After Night, in 1932. He passed away two days after Mae West.
 * Due to Mae West sufferring from hearing loss, she wore an earpiece so that the director, Ken Hughes, could feed her lines.
 * Rex Reed, who gave this film a negative review, co-starred with Mae West in the similarly panned movie Myra Breckinridge.

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