Blog:The Stupid Stoplight

The Stupid Stoplight is a 2010 film directed by James Paper. This movie would be so terrible it would send his career on a downward spiral before his death in 2017 after he tried to get a boner by tying a noose around his neck (real smart, paper!).

Plot
The movie begins in 1994, where Kevin is at his prime. He’s the greatest football player at Crack High School, has a lot of friends, his parents love him, and he’s sexy. All the girls love him, but he tries to get Anna, another popular student, to be his girlfriend. After confidently jugging down alcohol at a party, he offers to take Anna for a ride. But since he’s drunk, he thinks there’s a green light, even though it’s a red one. But he then sees it’s actually a red light halfway through, thinking the light changed it halfway through for no reason. He tries to dodge other cars, but crashes into a tree, and leaves him and Anna severely injured.

After the incident, Anna hates him, and so does everyone else. The school expels him for breaking his contract of alcohol use, and his records now all say that. Because of this, he turned into a sad man living with his mother. But his mom kicks him out so he can get a life. The only job that will accept him is also the same one Anna works at. Scared she’s going to ruin his reputation, he blames the traffic light, and (along with his brother), starts a plan to destroy it.

Why the Movie is Stupider than the Stoplight

 * 1) Kevin is a terrible character. He blames a traffic light for ruining his life, despite it being him drinking the alcohol in the first place, the other characters are also terrible:.
 * 2) *Anna isn’t a great character either, she’s extremely spoiled, and ruins Kevin's reputation again for something he did sixteen years ago.
 * 3) **The crash only injured her for a day, yet she acts like she spent over a year in the hospital.
 * 4) *Kevin's friends ditch him, despite doing the same thing as he did.
 * 5) *His father also leaves, despite saying he will forgive him for everything he does.
 * 6) Major Inaccuracies to 1994:
 * 7) *A Woody the Cowboy toy is in Kevin’s room as a “childhood toy”, despite Toy Story not being released until 1995, and even then, it wouldn’t be nostalgic yet.
 * 8) *Kevin's brother plays the N64, even though it wasn’t released until 1996.
 * 9) *During the football game, the coach says “I know what song to play”, and plays Linkin Park, who didn’t have a hit until 2000.
 * 10) * During the party, they watch The Ring which wasn’t released until 2002.
 * 11) *The characters casually mention Iron Man as one of the superheroes. Iron Man most certainly existed back in 1994, but wasn’t a popular superhero until the 2008 movie.
 * 12) The plan to “destroy the light” wasn’t thought through enough. Kevin and Drake's plan is to throw a bomb onto it. If they miss though, then the bomb will not only blow up the light, but the cars as well. They don’t miss, but it doesn’t matter, because they destroyed a traffic light and the cars were still wrecked, as well as the people. This makes it worse than the accident 16 years ago.
 * 13) Despite what the title says, the movie is mostly spent in Iraq where Kevin and Drake sign up for the war and try to break into Al-Qaeda's military base to get a grenade.
 * 14) Gabud Mohab is a villain with no motive but to “kill the Americans”, just because he wants to.
 * 15) Rapper Dirty Hoe Bitch is shoved into the movie for no reason.
 * 16) At one point, Kevin is exessively drinking alcohol and taking drugs, when his mom tells him to “Stop acting like Amy Winehouse”, the stated line would age poorly a year later when she died of those causes.
 * 17) Terrible Ending:The brothers get arrested, and both swallow cyanide pills in their jail cell.
 * 18) *Plot Hole: How did they get the pills in the first place?

Stuff that Can Get a Green Light

 * 1) Some characters are likable.
 * 2) *Lt. Gerald Pingley is a devoted patriot who wants to serve his country.
 * 3) *Loretta (Kevin and Drake's mom), despite kicking her son out, did it on good intentions so he could get himself a job.
 * 4) *Gabud Mohab may be one-dimensional, but he’s a very funny villain.
 * 5) A lot of suspenseful scenes:
 * 6) *The football game.
 * 7) *The car crash scene.
 * 8) *The famous part where Kevin is on the street alone, he looks at the light and says “IT'S…YOU!!!!”
 * 9) *Many of the war scenes, especially Gabud Mohab's death.
 * 10) *The part where they blow up the stoplight.
 * 11) *The part where they swallow the cyanide pills is actually very sad.
 * 12) Good morals like “Don't Drink and Drive”, and “Don't Blame Others For Your Actions.”