Blog:The Banana Splits Movie (Michael Bay version)

The Banana Splits Movie is the 2022 action thriller comedy film directed by Michael Bay.

Plot
TBD

Why it sucks

 * 1) Turning a television show targeted towards kids into an R rated action thriller movie is a very awful idea in the first place, and it scared and angered many fans of The Banana Splits Movie. It is also a large insult to both the original series and the fandom.
 * 2) On the same point, this movie feels more like a bad tasted parody movie.
 * 3) Poor grasp of the source material:
 * 4) The Banana Splits are not humans in costumes unlike in the original series, but are instead photorealistic CGI android animals, which was pointless. They also look nothing like their 1960s incarnations and their 2008 revival.
 * 5) The Banana Splits are horribly Flanderized to being outright evil, badass robots who attempt to shoot the family, and even attempt to kill Hooty for trying to protect them from harm.
 * 6) Snorky talked in the film and Eric Bauza did a very horrible job voicing him.
 * 7) The Splits sing covers of pop culture songs.
 * 8) They even sing the covers of "Panda" and "We Reposted in the Wrong Neighborhood", which is are explicit songs.
 * 9) The real reason the Splits went on the shooting-and-killing spree was because their show was cancelled. Just because your show is cancelled doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
 * 10) They even create banana-themed weapons, like banana-tanks and bananasaw. They also create their own minions, called the Bananabots.
 * 11) Speaking of which, The Splits turn Taft Studios into the holocaust, called The Bananasplitsocaust.
 * 12) The human/dog/gorilla/lion/elephant hybrid mutant monsters, as well as the human/Fleegle hybrid babies were very disgusting to look at.
 * 13) Despite having a washed-out 70s look, the film is set in 2049 and features HDTVs and cellphones making it very pointless.
 * 14) This also implies that a show from 1968 is still being taped in 2022.
 * 15) Despite the effects being passible for the most part, fire and explosions stuck out like a sore thumb.
 * 16) Most of the male characters are portrayed as either cheaters or just unlikable twits with no likability or good in them at all, which is anything more than blatantly sexist and racist.
 * 17) False Advertising: On the poster and the cover, Fleegle, Drooper and Snorky wear tuxedos, and they never use it in the actual film. The tagline in the cover says "Tra La Lapocalypse", and the film is barely apocalyptic.
 * 18) The ending feels like sequel-bait material because one surviving Bananabot is seen driving away with the dead Splits in the back. Implying that it's probably going to repair them.
 * 19) The Splits themselves are very inconsistent in movement. Sometimes they move like an elder person, other times they move like a dumb animal.
 * 20) It feels like Warner Bros. tried to make a movie like Pico by turning a kids show into a dark movie, but it lacks the charm Pico's School had.
 * 21) Terrible writing that never stays true to the TV show, but instead feels like a Terminator film.
 * 22) It was obviously only made to capitalize off of The Terminator.
 * 23) The dialogue doesn't make any sense, especially the quote "Yeah but it's old and dimwitted, and I wanna do something cool and serious."
 * 24) Countless plot-holes, inconsistencies, and logic fails:
 * 25) During a taping, Bingo kidnaps Andy, and then seconds later Bingo is seen on stage in the same period of time. Was Bingo supposed to be in the taping at that moment?
 * 26) The doors to the workers' rooms close and lock by themselves somehow.
 * 27) Before Mitch got into the building, he gave his cellphone to Paige. But then when he gets out, she pulls out his cellphone. It is explained how he pulled it out of nowhere (Paige wasn't seen giving it back either).
 * 28) Drooper could strongly shoot Andy and Stevie. (Childhood ruined enough yet?), and he is seen failing to shoot Beth.
 * 29) How are the Banana Splits able to say almost anything? It is explained how they are able to say all these things not said during the taping. It also would make sense if they hired a voice actor for the Splits. If they did, then how wouldn't they mimic their voice flawed while saying things that the voice actor did not record?
 * 30) As if things were scary enough, The Splits literally roar in this movie.
 * 31) The "Tra La La Song" is heard only once in the film.
 * 32) When the Splits are evil, they are voiced by Adam Sandler, Jake Paul and Rob Schneider.
 * 33) Too many explosions.

Good Qualities

 * 1) The opening looks fun and feels like the original show.
 * 2) Candi Milo did a really nice job voicing Hooty.
 * 3) Bill Farmer, Frank Welker and Carlos Alazraqui did reprise the role as the Splits, until the aforementioned title characters become evil.
 * 4) As mentioned before, the special effects are decent, with the exception of the fire and explosions.
 * 5) The cover of the "Tra La La Song" by Fall Out Boy's Patrick Stumph is just as catchy as the original version, despite only heard once in the film.
 * 6) Hooty is one of the only good characters in this film, as she attacks the Splits to save the family; Unfortunately, she dies while saving them.
 * 7) Harley, Zoe and Austin are also likable.
 * 8) Beth is badass... in that she kills the robots in order to save her family... and wins.
 * 9) Two of the deleted lines "Silly Stevie. Smoking's bad for your heath." and "Banana-cadabra bitch." are funny.

Hilariously Bad Dialogue

 * "Yeah, but it's old and dimwitted, and I wanna do something cool and serious."
 * "Smile, Taft Studios, say Chuck E. Cheese."
 * "One b*tch, two b*tch, three b*tch, four."
 * "Banana la vista, baby!"
 * "Yippie ki yay, bananaf*cker."
 * "Cheddar is just plastic."
 * "Let's strawberry jam out of there!"
 * "Things have gotten a LOT worse since you left Taft Studios, or should I say Bananasplitsocaust."
 * "Hooty, get rid of the Wheel of Endings."
 * "Hooty, your mail's here!"
 * "Pac-Fleegle's a bad guy?"
 * "Neither did I, but I guess I do."

Trivia

 * Originally, Danishka Esterhazy was hired to direct the film, but was replaced with Michael Bay.
 * Originally, this film will be a horror film, but however, it was changed to the action thriller film when Bay replaces Esterhazy as a director.
 * Originally, Paramount is going to make a sequel to Terminator: Dark Fate, but it was cancelled, moved to Warner Bros. and retooled into this.