POSTAL (2007)

POSTAL is a German-American satirical action comedy film directed by German filmmaker, restauranteur and YouTuber Uwe Boll, produced by Uwe Boll, Shawn Williamson and Daniel Clarke and written by Uwe Boll and Bryan C. Knight. The film stars Zach Ward, Dave Foley, Chris Coppola, Jackie Tohn, J.K. Simmons, Ralf Moeller, Verne Troyer, Chris Spencer, Larry Thomas, Michael Paré, Erick Avari, Lindsay Hollister, Brent Mendenhall, Rick Hoffman, Michael Benyaer, David Huddleston, Seymour Cassel, Uwe Boll and Vince Desi.

It was released on October 18, 2007, in Germany before being released in the USA 7 months later and serves as a film adaptation of POSTAL, although it draws heavily from its sequel POSTAL 2 instead.

During the development of the film, Vince Desi and Steve Wik pitched a dark and gritty version of the movie, but Boll rejected it and turned it into a comedy. This scrapped version probably was based on the first Postal video game, while the current version seems to be loosely based on the second game.

Plot
In the ironically named city of Paradise, a loser teams up with his cult-leading uncle to steal a peculiar bounty of riches from their local amusement park. The recently arrived Taliban have a similar focus, but a far more sinister intent.

Why It (Intentionally?) Regerts Everything

 * 1) Just like Uwe Boll's many video game adaptations, the movie is (mostly) unfaithful to its source material, removing and/or modifying a lot of elements from the game it is based on. For starters, the movie Paradise looks nothing like its game counterpart.
 * 2) * In the game, the "trailer park" that the Postal Dude's mobile home is located in is actually a large backyard owned by a young African-American couple and their Hispanic housemate. In the movie, it's an actual fully-populated trailer park.
 * 3) * The pistol can be silenced with a cat but not the shotgun or machine gun like in the game (although that'd later be implemented in POSTAL 4: No Regerts).
 * 4) * Uncle Dave's cultists consist of nothing but scantily-clad trigger-happy girls, unlike the equally-gendered cultists in the game.
 * 5) * The Postal Babes are all members of Uncle Dave's cult when they're actually adult models affiliated with the in-game Running With Scissors.
 * 6) * Instead of working for Running With Scissors under Vince Desi (who happens to be the real-life founder and CEO of Running WIth Scissors), the Postal Dude signs up to work for an office building instead.
 * 7) * The Lucky Ganesh International All-American Minimart is a small shophouse instead of being its own large building like in the game.
 * 8) The movie has lots of disgusting, offensive and tasteless jokes shoved into it in an attempt to match or even surpass the game's then-notorious shock value that has since become outdated nowadays. These include giving the Taliban way more screentime than their in-game counterparts and parodying 9/11.
 * 9) There are loads of plot holes scattered around the movie. What happened to Verne Troyer after he was thrown into a pit of chimpanzees? The film seems to forget him for the rest of the movie. (It is plausible that he got raped to death, hence his absence from the rest of the movie.)
 * 10) The story is a huge mess and is full of side stories that are very loosely connected together, possibly to match the game's near-disjointed story too.
 * 11) There are lots of terrible and unlikeable characters that are either very annoying, disgusting, lewd or offensive or have very little to no personalities and serve no purpose other than to act as fillers or replace some characters from the game.
 * 12) Several characters from the game have been Flanderized to the point where they physically don't look like their in-game counterparts anymore.
 * 13) * The Postal Dude, who's the main character, is now a clean-shaven ginger loser instead of the red-haired, goatee-sporting, trenchcoat-wearing everyday man in between jobs who got caught up in a lot of bizarre adventures.
 * 14) * The Bitch is portrayed as a morbidly obese woman who does nothing but sit on her bed and eat chips all day.
 * 15) * Uncle Dave is now a womanizer who uses the cult as an excuse to get laid instead of the brave equal-opportunity cult leader who isn't afraid to go against the ATF in a last stand against them (and actually won if his appearance in POSTAL 2: Paradise Lost is anything to go by).
 * 16) * Habib Ali Ishmael, the owner of the Lucky Ganesh minimart, goes from a trigger-happy young man who'd not hesitate to shoot down shoplifting "infidels" like the Dude to an old balding man who gets nervous and hesitant around the terrorists and is not afraid to assist the Dude in going against the same terrorists alongside his daughter.
 * 17) The ending is very dumb and offensive. Somehow, Osama bin Laden is friends with George W. Bush throughout the movie and they happily skip along a field like children together as the world gets destroyed in a nuclear apocalypse.
 * 18) The film's poster is badly Photoshopped and therefore looks very tacky.
 * 19) There is no point in buying this movie anymore as you can watch it in its full janky glory on YouTube.

Redeeming Qualities

 * 1) The movie's home media comes bundled with a free copy of POSTAL 2.
 * 2) Numerous elements in the film would later be implemented in later entries in the franchise, mainly The Bitch being canonically fat and therefore being unable to leave the mobile home (implemented in POSTAL 2: Paradise Lost), the ability to silence any gun (implemented in POSTAL 4: No Regerts) and having an amusement park themed around offensive themes (implemented as the female reproductive system-themed Kunny Island Amusement Park in POSTAL 4: No Regerts).
 * 3) Some of the actors did decent jobs portraying the game's characters to the point where 2 of them became canon in later entries in the POSTAL franchise.
 * 4) * Zack Ward did a decent job replicating the Postal Dude's mannerism and even reprised his role during his (optional) second boss fight in his Winter Wonderland compound in POSTAL 2: Paradise Lost, and in the "Ever had one of those days?" update of POSTAL 4: No Regerts, he is available as a voice option for the Dude.
 * 5) * Vince Desi did a decent job portraying Krotchy and Verne Troyer gave a decent performance in his cameo as himself.
 * 6) * Jodie Stewart did a really good job replicating The Bitch's mannerism and voice to the point where her movie look and behavior were made canon in POSTAL 2: Paradise Lost.
 * 7) There are some funny moments scattered around the movie, mostly The Bitch being blown up by the Dude's remote-controlled IED alongside Officers John & Greg after she got stuck at the mobile home's entrance and Candidate Welle's shit-eating grin after being blown up by a Taliban suicide bomber and splattering against the Lucky Ganesh's floor-to-ceiling windows.
 * 8) The soundtrack is decent and tolerable to listen to.
 * 9) Knowing the nature of the game, and depending on who you ask, this may be the most tolerable video game movie in Uwe Boll's filmography and the most faithful one at that.
 * 10) At least it isn't Mh:crappygames:Postal III.

Reception
As with Boll's predecessors, Postal received overwhelmingly negative reviews from critics and audiences alike, though a bit more favorable compared to his other films.

On Rotten Tomatoes, the film has a critic rating of 9% ("certified rotten"). The site's critical concensus reads "An attempt at political satire that lacks any wit or relevance, Postal is nonetheless one of Uwe Boll's more successful films -- for what it's worth."

On Metacritic, the movie has a critic rating of 22/100 ("generally unfavourable reviews"), and a user score of 6.5/10 ("generally favourable reviews").

The NY Daily News gave the movie a 0/5, criticizing its tasteless humour, plot and unfaithfulness to the game.

The film was nominated for three Golden Raspberry Awards: Worst Supporting Actor (Boll as himself), Worst Supporting Actor (Troyer as himself), and Worst Director (Boll), winning the latter.

Official trailer
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Watch the movie in its full janky glory here
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